That’s a Bernie

You spend months looking forward to a holiday… only to arrive and discover the food is dreadful, the drinks contain approximately three molecules of alcohol and apparently you're not even allowed to eat your snack where you want to.
This week, we're talking holidays – the good, the bad and the ones that make you question why you bothered getting on the plane.
TJ gives his verdict on a recent trip to Majorca, including disappointing all-inclusive food, questionable drinks, hotel rules, buying his own bloody kettle and an unfortunate encounter between his skin and the Spanish sunshine. We compare all-inclusive with self-catering, argue over what actually counts as an essential hotel-room luxury and discuss why Gran Canaria and Tenerife might have won our affections instead.
There's also airport chaos, cancelled-flight panic, cruises, balcony cabins, family holidays from years gone by and the important question of whether going away with your children is actually a holiday at all.
Naturally, we don't stay on topic.
Somehow we also end up discussing zoos and animal sanctuaries, painful knees, pets, Netflix, horror films, true crime and the television programmes we're currently obsessed with.
Basically: sun, sea, family, animals, questionable entertainment and quite a lot of complaining.
Wish you were here? After listening to this, perhaps not.

What are the tiny things that make life feel absolutely glorious… and why can someone leaving an empty milk bottle in the fridge completely ruin your day?
This week, we're celebrating life's little luxuries – fresh bedding after a shower, new pyjamas, Christmas Eve, a ridiculously long bath, good coffee, favourite snacks, alone time and all those small pleasures that make us disproportionately happy.
But obviously, this is That's a Bernie, so the wholesome bit doesn't last long.
We move swiftly onto the little things that absolutely boil our piss: shoes NEXT to the shoe rack, towels hung incorrectly, crumbs left on worktops, questionable toilet etiquette, people barging onto buses, drivers who can't manage a thank-you wave and family members who apparently believe putting things away is somebody else's responsibility.
Then things get slightly more contentious as we ask: where does enjoying nice things end and being a massive snob begin? From fresh coffee and branded food to Ninja appliances, Mercedes, heated seats and judging frozen vegetables, some of us have considerably stronger opinions than others.
Expect petty arguments, household grievances, questionable standards and the discovery that apparently happiness really is found in the little things.
Unfortunately, so is rage.

This week, we're heading back to childhood – when the internet screamed at you before it connected, VHS tapes needed rewinding, knocking on someone's door and running away counted as entertainment, and somehow we all survived without Wi-Fi.
We reminisce about the sweets and snacks we desperately want bringing back, from forgotten chocolate bars to crisps that simply don't taste the same anymore – although Bernie's frankly alarming bedroom "munchy drawer" proves some people have taken their love of snacks considerably further than others.
Then it's toys, TV and technology: Furbies, Micro Machines, Talkboys, Atari, Fun House, The Queen's Nose, dial-up internet and the excitement of finally getting more than three television channels.
We also revisit the absolute nonsense our parents told us, the questionable games we played, school PE, communal showers, bullying, childhood mischief and the sort of things that would probably trigger a safeguarding meeting today.
It's nostalgic, occasionally traumatic and increasingly chaotic.
Basically, childhood was feral – and we wouldn't have had it any other way.

his week on That’s a Bernie, TJ’s husband Chris joins TJ, Kelly and Kirsty — and it’s time to find out what married life in the Adamson household is really like.
TJ and Chris take us back to the beginning of their relationship: meeting on Facebook Dating, a little bit of ghosting, moving in together after just ONE WEEK, and eventually pulling off a secret wedding. Because apparently taking things slowly was never an option. 😂
Then it’s time to air the domestic dirty laundry. Shoes left lying around, cleaning habits, annoying eating noises, breathing too loudly (yes, apparently that's a crime) and all those tiny things your partner does that slowly drive you insane. TJ and Chris share their relationship grievances while Kelly and Kirsty weigh in on the realities of living with someone you love... but don't necessarily want to hear chewing.
We also get into the considerably less funny reality of adult life — rising bills, expensive cars and the general horror of discovering how much electricity costs — before tackling DIY disasters, cupboard doors, fences and ambitious gazebo plans.
And because no episode of That's a Bernie stays on topic for long, we somehow end up planning our own deaths. From being composted to scattering ashes and turning loved ones into jewellery, it's a surprisingly cheerful conversation about what we'd like to happen when we're gone — including the ongoing question of where Chris's mum should finally be laid to rest.
Marriage, money, mortality and minor domestic grievances... just your average family conversation, really.
Got a relationship confession, family drama, dilemma or your own Bernie? Send it to thatsaberniepod@gmail.com and follow us @thatsaberniepod.
Expect chaos. Accept Bernies. Love each other. 💗

This week, TJ's youngest daughter Tia joins TJ, Kelly and Kirsty for another episode of family chaos—and apparently we've all got a lot of icks to get off our chests.
We catch up on birthdays, including Tia's surprise new pet mouse and Kelly's birthday spending spree, before things quickly descend into a debate about everything that gives us the ick. From dirty nails and questionable footwear to pet names like "Daddy" and the absolute horror of spit strings on shared drinks... consider yourself warned.
Things take a more personal turn as we chat about emotions, affection and grief—including losing our much-loved Frankie—before getting firmly back to the nonsense with our favourite comedians, the things that genuinely make us laugh and a game involving phrases that could apparently be said in both a funeral directors and the bedroom. 💀😂
Tia also reveals how she managed to lose her phone... only to eventually discover she'd put it in the fridge.
Expect family stories, inappropriate conversations, questionable opinions and far more information than anyone asked for.
Got a dilemma, an ick, a joke or a family story worthy of the pod? Send it to thatsaberniepod@gmail.com and follow us @thatsaberniepod.
🎙️ Now on YouTube, with TikTok coming soon.
Expect chaos. Accept Bernies. Love each other.
Every family has a Bernie. If yours doesn't... it's probably you.

 
Kelly couldn't make it this week, so naturally we replaced her with the next generation. Taylor and Declan are back, joining TJ and Kirsty for an episode packed with games, questionable revelations and the usual family chaos.
We tackle the apparently controversial subject of Liverpool geography before putting each other to the test with Two Truths and a Lie and some increasingly ridiculous Would You Rather questions—with a slight detour into pagan symbols and religion along the way. Because obviously.
Things get a little more personal when we reveal the songs we'd choose as our own theme tunes and the stories behind them, before heading firmly back into chaos with childhood confessions, embarrassing bath-time stories, irrational shower fears and some very candid revelations about what really happens when you've been in a relationship long enough to have absolutely no boundaries left.
We finish with the things that drive us mad behind the wheel and invite you to send us your own family dramas and Bernie Dilemmas at thatsaberniepod@gmail.com.
Expect games. Expect oversharing. Expect chaos. Accept Bernies.
Every family has a Bernie. If yours doesn't... it's probably you.

This week, our nephew Declan joins us—and somehow manages to drag his dad Steven onto the podcast without Steven actually being there.
Steven claims he doesn't like talking and refuses to come on the pod... which is interesting for a man who always seems to have something to say.
We talk about the brother who declined his right of reply, before getting into the elaborate prank Steven and Declan played on Bernie. The plan was simple: convince her that Steven was making Declan walk home from football practice because he'd played shit.
Bernie did not take it well.
We've got the WhatsApp evidence. We've got Bernie absolutely fuming. And we're conducting a full Bernie Blowout VAR Review to decide whether her reaction was justified—or whether Steven and Declan deserve everything that's coming to them.
Expect family chaos, incriminating voice notes, stories about Steven and possibly the greatest Bernie Blowout we've had yet.

This week, TJ's daughter Taylor joins the family—and she's brought evidence.
We delve into the family's slightly unhealthy obsession with their pets, ask the important question of who Taylor would save first in a house fire (her dad or the animals?), and discover just how far we'll go for our four-legged family members.
Then it's time for an intervention.
According to Bernie, TJ has slowly transformed into Hyacinth Bucket—and Taylor and Kelly are ready to prove it. From expensive tastes and airport lounges to questionable standards and outright snobbery, we ask once and for all: is TJ actually a snob, or does he just have standards?
Expect family revelations, pet obsession, a little parental humiliation and, of course, another Certified Bernie.
Every family has a Bernie. If yours doesn't... it's probably you.

Bernie is back—and this episode goes exactly as well as you'd expect.
We settle the important questions in life: are bigger swimming pools actually better, what's going on with TikTok, and why has TJ apparently declared war on Specsavers?
Things take a more personal turn as TJ talks therapy, anxiety and the complicated reality of empathy, before the family introduces Mark—a serial prankster responsible for swapped labels, upside-down pictures and years of low-level psychological warfare.
Then the wheels come off completely.

The wait is over. This week, we finally meet Bernie—the woman who inspired an entire podcast.
TJ, Kelly and Kirsty are joined by Bernie herself to find out what she really thinks about having a podcast named after her, revisit some classic Bernies and give her the chance to explain the logic behind the things she says.
We put Bernie in the hot seat, dig into family stories, settle a few scores and discover that giving Bernie a microphone may have been our best—or worst—idea yet.
Expect questionable logic, family chaos, plenty of laughs and, naturally, a Bernie Blowout or two.
Every family has a Bernie. If yours doesn't... it's probably you.